Saturday, December 16, 2017

To The One That Got Away

I miss someone who isn't mine to miss. I dream about someone who isn't mine to dream about. I love someone who isn't mine to love. He's too far from me now. I was never been a part of his life, nor in his plans and dreams. I was never in his mind or in his heart. It breaks my heart because I can't even express my love for him. I can't even say he is the one that I LOVE. I want to take good care of him, love him and live the rest of my life with him. He is always been in the heart of my prayers, praying to  God to make his dream come true. I want him to be happy in his life and be the man he wants to be. I want him to live the dream- even if I'm not part of it. After all, true love is not selfish. It is about being happy for someone's happiness.

"Unrequited love does not die; it's only beaten down to the secret place where it  hides, curled and wounded." -Elle Newmark

So I wrote a letter for you as part of my healing and this will be the last...

To the one that got away,

I never thought that I will fall for you. We were ones friends, then best friends... but I was caught off guard. Yeah, I fell. You cared so much to me, the caress that I got from you is what I always value, but I never thought it was never been true. Now, I was left wounded and shattered. You didn't do anything wrong... it's just me who loves you all along. How can I get back from this sudden fall? I was left puzzled and hopeless. Puzzled, thinking what if you love me too. Hopeless, because I know you never do. You were once the cause of my happiness, but it turned out the cause of emptiness, loneliness and brokenness. How can I stand from this fall?  Why am I afraid to loose you... when you're not even mine? Your departure just caused me deep sorrow. Since the day you left, I've been missing you so badly, almost everyday.

Many years had passed, the scars and wounds never leave. It was just being suppressed without being noticed. I loose faith in love and turned out to be fearful in love. I started to loose my hope. It's not your fault, it's me who fall after all. But this notion should come to an end. I shouldn't wallow on the sadness and brokenness. God has many plans in my life. God installed good things to me, waiting to be unfold.
I swear this will be my last letter for you. I'm writing this to you to be healed. This healing of wounds is not easy, it's tough, but it is the right thing to do. All I want is these wounds to be gone.

So, I'm letting you go. 
I forgave you.
I understand.
I know, we were not meant to be. 
God wants to heal me, but first I should let you go. I will let you go.
Letting you go doesn't mean I'll stop praying for you. I'll still be praying  for your happiness and success. Letting you go doesn't mean I'll forget you, it means I'm already giving up the idea that we will end up together.

So I'll go now. I believe there is someone out there who is waiting for me in the future and the same with you too. I know my God prepared something beautiful for us separately. I'll start to live  life again without you. Now it's time for you to go and leave- to leave my mind and heart. So, farewell to you my love. I should start walking without you. Let's walk our separate ways without looking back. But I never wish that we'll be strangers again, after all... I never regret loving you.

Goodbye my love. And when we meet again, I'll hug you tight and say thank you, because you taught me how to love unselfishly and love unconditionally. You taught me how to forgive and to let go.
And when we meet again, when that day comes, probably all my questions about "Why?" are answered. 

Wishing you the best. Thank you my friend :)
Good Bye.


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