Am I in love on him? I am asking this question many times. Sometimes it lingers in my mind for hours- almost everyday. No matter how he hurts me, usually many times, but still I continue liking him. So I asked myself, am I in love?
Day by day, God is clearing up my mind. Maybe God is teaching me how to let go. Yeah! that's maybe Gods reason why He allows this feeling to dwell in me.He wants me to learn the word patience, self-control and a still heart. Now I started to let go of this feelings. Though I don't usually see that man everyday, but he always visited my mind every now and then. I cannot help myself, I am trying to figure it out, so I asked God to rescue me in this kind of insanity. No matter I try to figure it out, I am still confuse- really condused. Then God teach me to be still and listen to Him.
Now my mind is clear. God wants me to draw closer to Him. He wants me to be still and wait for His perfect timing- it's either that man or somebody else- all I know is God is teaching me how to trust Him. He teach me that those are the desires that I should put into the feet of Jesus and I will let Him to move according to His ways. I also find out that God put those kind of feeling into my heart to tell me that feeling cannot satisfy my inner being. It does not portray a genuine love that I have been looking for- only His love can. God's love is immeasurable. We are made to glorify God's name by delighting in Him day and night.
Though my feelings for that man continues... but it does not exceed my love for God. God's love is overflowing and I find it more joyful resting in this kind of love. I cannot fathom His love... A love from a father, from a creator, from a comforter and from a saviour...
I find it really joyful to get to know more about God- we all know God is love. In the certain point of my life I learn to love more in different views... to love unconditionally and to love God above all.
I want end these posts quoted from Joshua Harris' book :
“When God knows you're ready for the responsibility of commitment, He'll reveal the right person under the right circumstances.”
“True love isn't expressed in passionately whispered words an intimate kiss or a embrace; before two people are married, love is expressed in self-control, patience, even words left unsaid.”